He asks himself,

     ”How can I obsessively desire over something that I’m so passionately afraid of.” His room is silent except for the faint hum of his ear buds. His typing stops frequently and he lose focus very easily. His android suddenly bursts into sound and he lazily straightens from what his face expresses is the most uncomfortable position possible in his Ikea computer chair.

     ”Shut up…” he whispers to nobody as he shuts the sound off. After a few swipes, there’s still not even the slightest hint of emotion on his face and than the light in the room seems to brighten. Classical piano music begins playing. Camera cuts to a piano keyboard with a messy pile of clothes. Lights are than lowered. He fades. Shadows within shadows form into a blinding darkness. 

     ”What goes on in that boys head?” I ask myself. Than I ask the world. Than I imagine asking God. I imagine what life would be like if people could read my mind. The room grows silent for a minute. I talk to myself a lot. Myself and I have always been close. A silence that even drowns the music from my android seems to overpower all my senses. Silent upon silence. It’s not quite real, the way I feel. Someone inside with more sense than that who is in control now reveals I’m lost in thought. No… actually this is different. I feel quiet and tense, but at peace. I’m lost without any specific thought. Something had shocked us before I reached this thought. That was the only explanation for this behavior. Suddenly the feeling comes back. I had reached bottom again. Nothing mattered. Everyone could read my face. I couldn’t pretend anymore. It has always been and perhaps always be mind over matter because my heart gives me no choice in deciding what I desire. It’s me against the world.

(via brainisinsanity)

Don’t look into his eyes…

I’m sure I’ll see something that isn’t quite there. But he surely will notice something weird. I wonder what he’s thinking than pretend looking his way is no problem for ol’ confident me. Than it clicks. Maybe…

Don’t think too much…

But I can’t help it. It’s so overwhelming. A million questions fill my mind. I run my thoughts through his wavy hair occasionally looking at his body.

Don’t speak…

My thoughts lessen as reality kicks in. I’m feeling weak.

You never had a chance and you know it.

I am Nathan’s ashamed silence.

A million thoughts 

And a million feelings

Only to be lost and never found

I’m never really around 

Because I’m always thinking

Of really living this time around

A heart full of blissfullness

Ignore the emptiness

Now everyone I know is sick

My eyes are forced down, though

There’s nothing to see on the ground

How can I love in 

Everybody and yet nobody

How do I trust feelings

So easily turned off

(via mindbottling)

tattoome:

Jaclyn Réhe

I inhale deeply and sigh like a tired old man
Awaiting the day I overdose on knowledge
And bleed a great influence onto the world
Earbuds in, alone, and undistrated
I’m free to explore my endless thoughts, goals, and obsessions
Because life feels like an illusion of unecessary stress
On and on.. the world burns
I’m on my way home as that familiar feeling creeps
Nodding against the rythm of my youth
Full of impatience and expectations
I linger inside and out of an intimidating sunset
That only I seem to understand

the-eclectic-eccentric:

Adam Kubert

(via zerotoinfinity)

Blue Jeans - Lana del Rey

“Parents wanna blame me all because their kid is fuckin’ up.

But fuck that!! If your a shitty parent face it! Suck it up!

Think about what you should have did before that nigga bust.”

-Tyler, the Creator

(via jrswim)

(via mofobian)

pianoacrossamerica: —Oscar Wilde

(via thefarawaydreamer)

I don’t want to have to tell you 

what it feels like because than I 

will have awakened something 

I’m not ready to fight

The most embarrassing part is 

choosing to pretend everything’s fine

when everybody silently notices

I’m lying

I think about not having any 

right to embrace such unhappiness

as memories of my adolescence 

are ripped from my mind

And so my bed time thoughts 

continue to rot on hidden notes. 

There’s no way I can cope while

convincing myself I’m used to being alone

I may never understand how to 

get close to another man

because of a constant worry of 

being judged for who I am

And so I allow my surroundoings

to control every emotion and

every word that repetitively

falls out unheard 

-Nathan J.S.

(via mhiolkab)

Tired from staring at a TV 

Where my images compete

With messy green lines

Neither of us speak 

Afraid without rewind

I’m fine. We all know

Near the end realizations

Say it’s always worth the time

Glow shines from screen shows

Life whines until I’m lost below 

-N Skatt

(via daltonefrost)